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Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I've been in a stressed out funk. I try not to let on but it was apparently showing on Saturday night when our friends were here. I mentioned that I felt flustered. Ginny said, "You look like you are." It caused me to stop and wonder what is making me so crazy. Time to turn it over.

Jack is doing so great. He is jumping off two feet now... the boy who didn't want to walk across a room is jumping off of two feet. He is also trying to put puzzles together with Bria, making ornate lego constructions, taking things apart and acting like a spoiled toddler. Even the spoiled toddler attitude is progress. I'll take it. While I should be thinking about that, I wonder about his eyes. We are working on a referral to a pediatric opthamologist. I also worry a bit about his speech and lack of vocabulary. I am also well aware of his weird head shape and his pediatrician mentioning an MRI come the first of the year. He fell recently...right on his head hard. I grabbed him and because he hasn't been with me forever I couldn't tell if I was feeling his knotty head or a new knot. Between the lumps and his screams, I was scared to death. He got over the fall and showed just how attached he is, something else I sometimes worry about. Just when my worry hits a fevered pitch, Jack does something out of the box. Again, I need to remember to take what I can get.

We've had two weekends of having tons of people in our house. Usually it doesn't frazzle me. I guess this weekend, it must have a little. I think it was because I had big plans of a moving night to teach my children to fight poverty. I didn't feel like I was hitting my expectations.

I can't decide if Bria is acting like Bria or feeling displaced. There is a fine line in the sand right between comfort and coddle. I feel like I'm constantly walking the fence.

Arleigh is a tween. I've said enough.

Hanan is caught between wanting to be a little girl and growing up into a tween. It's a hard place to be. It's also a hard place to parent. I don't want her to grow up to fast but she also needs to learn maturity. Seriously, where is the manual? I keep asking and no one ever produces it.

And parenting issues aside, it's not even Thanksgiving and I am over Christmas. We have too much. The girls can't make lists out big enough for everyone asking and they don't even know what they want because they already have so much. Jack has no idea what is out there. He just got so much. He can't tell us what he would really like to have. If you walk him through a toy aisle, he is either excited over everything that makes noise or really overwhelmed. The same could be said about me.

I'm over being antsy about holiday schedules and decorating and when it's appropriate to decorate. (That is directed squarely at Ray. I love you Ray!) I'm letting it go. I am going to enjoy Jack's first Christmas at home. I've washed my hands of lists and schedules. We are going to do what we can but make sure that it's about family first.

All that said and I saw this picture this morning. It made me laugh. I wish I could do this to our house with the runway lights I see on everyone's sidewalks.

Here's to letting go and doing your own thing and remembering why we are celebrating in the first place.


Sharon Ankerich said...

I totally get where you are! Having too much stuff, too much going on, and too many expectations can wear on a mama! Focusing on just your little family unit is a must. That's what I am planning to do too. We usually decorate WAY too much but this year, only wreaths and one tree are going up and you know what? Me and WP are going to watch the girls decorate it. LOL Thinking of you right now!!! Blessings and love!

Gdine said...

You've had some profound changes in life and maybe in heart as well. I imagine it's finally starting to catch up! Give yourself a break already!! 8^)

A couple of suggestions...and you obviously can take or leave it!!!!

We don't really do it much anymore but when the kids were all home Bob had us do a 'gift of good words'. The phone was off, the door was locked, no tv....and we each went around and told each person what we appreciated about them. We did have to give some parameters...no 'I'm glad you don't kick me anymore' stuff since they know every loophole imaginable! I dreaded this like the plague but it always ended in hugs and tears, the good kind. A couple of times someone even did theirs in verse. I never went that far because that would require thinking about it and I didn't want to think about it. This stuff makes me uncomfortable even though I realize its value.

The other suggestion is something I wish I had done but did not....a friend started a week or two before Christmas and let each child (they had 2) open one gift a day. Doing this enabled them to enjoy each gift and fully realize and appreciate who gave the gift while playing with it for that day. A lot of the not good pressure disappeared from their holiday.

Perhaps this will spark some other ideas for you...many blessings!

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