I've been struggling with a few things. One is, so many people comment on the wonderful, wonderful thing we have done. I have no idea how to reply to those statements that seem to put us on a pedestal. It's especially hard when there are few things more humbling than dealing with a three year old who can't communicate and refuses to eat. In fact, Jack is growing me too, showing me how selfish and self absorbed I can be but that's another post. Here are a few thoughts that run through my mind when people tell us how lucky Jack is to have us as parents...
- It was God, not us. I would never have imagined in a million years even 5 years ago that we would go looking for a special needs child for our family. Yes, I hope he finds our family a much better place than where he was, especially considering his living conditions. There are moments when I still feel woefully inadequate.
- Jack is a gift to us just as much as we are a gift to him. I read this post at 5 a.m. this morning. I have my husband's alarm clock to thank. It says it better than I can.
- I am not a super human, super mom, saint or extra special. I don't think Ray would mind me saying that he isn't either. We just decided to act. Most of the time it works our great. Sometimes it's very, very hard. In the end it's all worth it. Back up to number one... it's not us.
- After gushing over what we've done, of the many questions we've had since coming home, one I hear a lot is "Should we be doing this to?" It is generally followed with, "I don't think I want to." I have the hardest time answering this one. I think if you are supposed to adopt, you know. You'll find a way. We would love to encourage anyone. Right now, just home, I'm also aware of how hard the transition can be. It's sort of like asking the mother in labor if you should go ahead and get pregnant. Pretty sure it's between you and your spouse and God. I'm here for you if you want to chat about other particulars.
That's it. I haven't taken a single picture since the airport. Jack is still getting used to our house and our routines. He loves having the girls, even our little Napoleon around. Of course right now, they are in a sort of honeymoon period and for the most part they dote on his every need. He is eating a little more. He is pretty pitiful and just about every meal. We don't think he knows how to chew. He tolerates spicy but not different flavors. He is still not fond of Tucker. Poor Tucker is feeling a bit deprived these days. Jack is slowly coming around but not really ready to accept a giant slobbery kiss that Tucker really wants to give him.
Bria... she's too awesome for words. She is trying really hard to share. I'm trying really hard to carve out space for her. She has really stepped up to her role as big sister. I think she grew like 6 inches since we were gone and matured a couple of years. I could still eat her up.
Hanan... her big heart will carry her through anything. She really stepped it up at school, which was one of my worries before I left. She's starting a cheer group and really excited. She plays with Jack every night.
Arleigh...the mother hen she always was. She is a little Mama in training, taking care of all of us. She understands the pressure a little more than the other two and is trying her best to help while tackling her growing schedule.
That's it for now. Again... not a saint ;)