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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Ramblings

Ramblings is the title because I don't know what else to say. Ever had one of those days when there is so much to say but you know you shouldn't. Some days it's harder than others to be a Christian. I was about to say that those days seem to happen more and more. That's not true. Looking back over the last two weeks, I wonder if it's just that those moments are more apparent.

I sent Ray a text last week. It said, "only one Pretty here and I'm having a hard time being a Christian." A Pretty is my affectionate term for some of the mothers in our neighborhood. A friend of mine just told me in her neighborhood, they are known as the Ugg Club. Come to think of it, that might be more fitting. I had a moment. There was a teachable moment for children that surrounded me and all this Pretty could talk about was her material possessions. She wouldn't stop showing off all she had while her daughter was a holy terror. I admit, some of her toys,  I was the teensiest bit envious of, but for the most part the kids needed to see other things around them. Her daughter needed to be controlled. I was aggravated.

Lately something else has been on my mind. (hence the ramblings) Several years ago in the beginning of our marriage we had good friends who moved away. As a military family, this happens all the time. Communication becomes sporadic. Before you know it months have passed.  I sent an email. I felt backlash. I thought the email was lighthearted and funny. The friends found it completely offensive. I was sorry. Embarrassed. I questioned my own judgement for weeks. Then I realized, our friends had changed. Now I think maybe they were growing and I was stuck.

Cut to years later... those same friends make a choice that we found disappointing. In fact, on some level it was hurtful. Now, faced with a similar choice because of our constant change in locations, I'm not sure what we would do. I don't think I would make the exact same choice but I also don't think I would be so quick to make the choice we so wanted them to make. Our friendship suffered because of all of that. It makes me a little sad.

Sorry for the vague ramblings. Over the next 6-12 months we are going to face big life decisions. It's hard to believe that Ray has been in the navy long enough that we now have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives. So much of it isn't even up to us. There's also the part that is. The part that is dependent on decisions that we will soon be making. I choose to trust in God but I would be lying if I said things aren't a bit unnerving right now. All that and add to it some of little things that happened this past week. Oh my. Again with the vague but oh my.

To add to the unnerving... we are waiting to hear about our Long In Date. A new list of waiting children may come out as early as the beginning of next week. I just got off the phone with our social worker. Looks like she'll be looking to match us from that list. Alot of our future hangs on the special need that this child has. While I really don't care what the need is... I want to know what it is so we can start preparing.

Since I'm rambling... I've decided to take away part of the vague. I felt that my parenting was called into question this week. After I got over being angry, I prayed. I studied. While I might not be doing a bang up job all the time, I feel like this particular choice was the right one. There are things that could maybe be handled differently. There are some changes that maybe need to be made, but my initial decision is what is right for our family. I'm feeling much better and peaceful about it.

In addition to parenting choices, I discovered I'm a bit of a Mama Bear about my husband as well. While I probably already knew... it is now apparent that I will go toe to toe with anyone for that man. I'm not the sleeping Mama Bear you want to wake up either. When we were little, I was the only one who could torment my brother. You wouldn't know it now but Tye was on the small side. One poor boy who was older than me decided to pick on him. I walked up on him hitting and pushing my baby brother in the gym after school. I flung my backpack on that kid as hard as I could and then kicked him... where he shouldn't have been kicked...while he was down...it was bad. I was certain that I would be in all kinds of trouble. I think I even cried wondering what punishment I would have to endure. I don't remember what it was. I do remember that it was worth it when my grandfather heard what I did and put his hand on my shoulder. The smirk on his face is one that I will never forget.

All these ramblings to say... it's been crazy around here. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I see it evening out though. Thank goodness! The biggest blessing is that in all the aggravating and awful things that I thought I saw happening around me this week... I've seen good things come from them. All. Of. Them.

Also, I'm hoping to figure out this picture thing in the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping and praying that in the next couple of weeks I'll have another picture to add to Okkar Lif. Oh what a happy day that will be!

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