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Friday, October 1, 2010

Mixed Emotions

I thought I would wake up this morning to tell you how horrible my day was yesterday. Last week my social worker called... our state criminal background checks are too close to expiring for comfort. With no hope of signing the homestudy very, very soon, they need to be redone. I went to 201 Poplar (AKA the bowels of hell) to start the process again. Let's just say, it didn't go well. It's not done. While it wasn't as bad as the time that I went with Ray, it wasn't pretty. I'll post about it later.

Instead, this morning I woke up to check blogger. I take my vitamins and birth control pill, in case you were wondering, every morning while reading a variety of blogs in my roll. I was clicking through and I saw his picture. It's the picture in my inbox, and in my saved pages on my phone. It's the picture I studied over and over. You see, I asked for his medical file to be sent on a whim. Then because I had his file, we agreed to sponsor him for Christmas. He would be eligible for us to lock him in on Oct. 17th. So we prayed. We prayed that if he wasn't our son, someone one come forward for him immediately. We prayed hard for him to find his family thinking that it might be us. It wasn't.

God is good. He has a family. He has a wonderful family and he'll have a brother. He also has one awesome Christmas box. I know because I've slowly built it for a child that I thought might be mine, spending Christmas alone. Maybe that's how God wanted it.

There are things I learned from this experience. I cried over this little boy more than I thought I would. His condition made me step out of my box. It made me reconsider what I really think this is all about. I walked a big wide path that found me questioning my faith and at one point, realizing it is suddenly stronger. Because of all that, he will hold a place in my heart.

It's time to move on... I'm tired of this taking so long. I know I'm slow when I run but it still hurts to see other people lap me. I read so many blogs, that is what is happening in this process. I understand God's timing is perfect and mine is not. I know he's out there. We'll find him but I'm so tired of waiting on other people and bureaucrats like I found yesterday.

So, if you're in a praying mood...our social worker now thinks that if the navy will do criminal background checks for the time that Ray is in the navy, we can have it notarized without going through authentication and it will cover us for all of our background checks. I called NCIS yesterday. They directed me to a particular detective on base. Please pray that this man's heart will be softened to our cause and we can get this done by Monday. If not, I'll be making another trip to the bowels of Hell on Tuesday.

Finally, as Ray says, yes we're a bit sad because no matter how you play it, it feels like we are losing something, but God truly is good and He really did come through and answer our prayers. There will be one less child without a family.

1 comment:

Navylangs said...

It's all so bittersweet. Hugs and prayers . . . ..

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